Stella opened the session by asking attendees if they knew what was expected of them, and 100% answered that yes they did. However, when she adjusted the question to “Do you know what is specifically expected of you?”, some participants answered “Not sure”, and by the time Stella asked: “Do your closest colleagues know specifically what you expect of them?”, 53% answered “Not sure” and 18% answered “No”. Having demonstrated the importance of having these open conversations, Stella went into more detail of her model.
When to exchange expectations
- To start a working relationship: Stella advocates having the first conversation on the first afternoon of employment, to get things off to the right start with everyone really clear on what is expected of them.
- To maintain a working relationship: it is important to remember that expectations shift as time goes on, and so these conversations should be refreshed regularly to maintain a good working relationship.
- To grow: similarly, the model can be used to develop a relationship when somebody changes their role.
- To tackle tricky conversations: the model can even be used to tackle tricky conversations that come up, and if you know that you have been really clear in your expectations throughout a working relationship, you can enter those difficult conversations with confidence.
How to exchange expectations
- Prepare. Identify who you need to exchange expectations with. Explain the process, giving examples. Set a time to allow both parties to prepare. Make sure you have specific examples of the expectations you have. For example, “be supportive” can look very different to different people.
- Discuss. This should be face-to-face, whether that is in-person or virtually, but should not be done by email. The eye contact and body language aspect of this conversation can be very important. There may be some negotiation; people may have unrealistic expectations, but when it is explained why they are unrealistic they will likely accept them.
- Agree. Write down what has been agreed so both parties have something to refer back to.
- Review. Regularly review both parties’ expectations, referring back to the written agreement, as expectations can and will change over time.
How to exchange expectations well
Specifics are really important. If you ask your manager to be supportive, tell them what support looks like to you. It could be written praise, or regular phone calls to check in, or opportunities to step up. Don’t be afraid to ask “silly questions”. There are no silly questions, and perhaps asking what the dress code is, for example, will open the opportunity for useful discussions about client expectations, or asking if it is OK to ring your manager at home will give them the opportunity to say actually it is better to ring in the evening than during the day. Be open to each other’s ideas and feedback, and commit to what is agreed.
Summary
So much has changed in the workplace since Covid and now is a really good time to check in with your colleagues. Everyone is happier when they are really clear about what specifically is expected of them, and they have had the opportunity to let colleagues know what they expect in return. The job description may tell you what is expected of you in a role, but it is these conversations that let you know how you are expected to carry it out.
If you’d like to know more about our Inclusivity Unlocked! programme…
…visit this post. You can also access an up-to-date listing of the events and associated resources here, and a compilation of top tips from previous webinars here. In case you missed the live event there’s a recording of “Teamwork, Trust and the post-Covid Tide”, along with Stella Chandler’s slides, here.